The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
