I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
