dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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