I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
