I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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