I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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