I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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