Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
