Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
