Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
