and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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