I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
