i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
