I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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