i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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