yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
