One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize