I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
