Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
