The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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