it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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