I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
