imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
