i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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