A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
