o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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