how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
