I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
