Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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