I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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