i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Small penises have feelings too.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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