Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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