her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
