You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize