i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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