I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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