you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize