I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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