they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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