i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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