you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
