I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
