I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
