I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
