mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
barbara walters just said penis...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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