We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
