i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
