It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
