The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
