I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
