I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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