I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't EVER smell your tampon
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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