How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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