Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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