Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
