My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
being pregnant is like rehab
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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