why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cut my penus on the lid.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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