remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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