Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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