I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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