you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
