Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
