His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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