She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
