she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
soo... how was my night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize