Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
