btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
