im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
