A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize