We won't sleep together?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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