I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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