White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
