I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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