I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
