Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
