covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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