So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The ass gains better be worth it
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