yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
