I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
