I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
