Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
