What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
