did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
