so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
