so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
