that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
