apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
