is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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